Skip to main content

Why Spiritual Abusers Love To Say "God Told Me To"




Whether you run in evangelical circles or not, chances are you've encountered someone who has started a sentence with, "God told me to..." and finished it with something inspirational, aspirational, or irrational. Depending on the denomination, it might get thrown around as a common catch phrase, or it might be reserved for more serious, "big" declarations. Either way, narcissists in the church love to exploit it. Here's why.

When a narcissist says, "God told me to..." it is almost always in order to over-inflate their own status or position while simultaneously absolving themselves of any personal accountability. What better excuse is there? If a narcissist claims God told them to quit their job, who can argue with that? Certainly not their wife, or their children, or anyone who might be counting on them to pay the bills.

Perhaps a narcissist decides to move their family to another country because God told them how they would be "lifted up" as holy ministers in this new place. Never mind that the people in the current location are on to the narcissist's web of lies. It's also not about God or others being lifted up, mind you. It's always about how the narcissist will look or benefit from the move. Whatever the new scheme is, it will inevitably fail. When it does, that's okay, because he was just doing what God told him to do. A narcissist never fails. When the situation gets dire, God will simply tell them some other thing designed to make them look like it was all pre-ordained to work out that way. The next thing will inevitably be something bigger and better because God is always about lifting up the status of a narcissist. Isn't that convenient?

A narcissist also plays the God card in order to diminish the worth of others. If God told a narcissist they would write the next great American novel, then surely anyone who critiques their work, sends them a rejection letter, or tells them to maybe hire a proofreader is not only a hack in the publishing world, but they are conspiring along with Satan. The reason why "God told me to..." works so well for a narcissist is that it's challenge-proof. If you disagree, it's easy for a narcissist to claim that you aren't spiritual enough. A narcissist has already put himself squarely in the place of God in his own mind, so it's easy for him to project that if you disagree with him, you disagree with God himself.

An abuser will also use God as his own scapegoat for the overt or covert abuse and neglect he exacts upon others. "God told me He's angry with you. "God told me to punish you." "God told me you're a sinner." You get the idea. A narcissist believes he is doing God a favor by being his personal jury, judge and executioner of all mankind. It's all extremely warped.

I am a Christian and I have had many spiritual moments which, if I were to put words to them, might be interpreted as a nudge or a whisper of God telling me to do something. There is nothing inherently wrong with the belief that God "speaks" to us in all sorts of different ways. But when someone claims what "God" says is something leads to the oppression of others, God is not the one actually doing the talking. God is love. What narcissists do in the name of God is far from loving.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

No, There Are Not Two Sides

  I was in a meeting where a mediator was trying her best to stay impartial to a situation where a large volume of well-documented verbal and emotional abuse had occurred. She was a trained professional, but professionally speaking, she didn't want to be in a position to take sides on the issue. She offered the worn-out platitude, "Well, there are two sides to every story..." I let it slide the first time she said it, but when she said it again, I stopped her. "Actually, when it comes to abuse, there are not two sides. There is abuse, and there is the recipient of abuse. The recipient of abuse is not at fault for the actions of the abuser." Her jaw dropped a moment, then she nodded slowly. She knew I was right, and in this moment, a light went on. The situation she was mediating was not about two people having a disagreement. It was about a serial abuser attacking someone else who had done nothing to provoke the attack. She couldn't stay impartial. It

The Difference Between Trauma and Anxiety

I've been living with the effects of complex trauma for a long time, but for many years I didn't know what it was. Off and on throughout my life, I've struggled with what I thought was anxiety and depression. Or rather, In addition to being traumatized, I was anxious and depressed.  All mental health is a serious matter, and should never be minimized. If you are feeling anxious or depressed, it's important and urgent to find the right support for you. No one gets a prize for "worst" depression, anxiety, trauma or any other combination of terrible things to deal with, and no one should suffer alone. With that in mind, there is a difference between what someone who has CPTSD feels and what someone with generalized anxiety or mild to moderate depression feels. For someone dealing with complex trauma, the anxiety they feel does not come from some mysterious unknown source or obsessing about what could happen. For many, the anxiety they feel is not rational

Why Psychological Trauma is More Damaging Than Physical Trauma

You were lied to on the playground.  "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Neuroscientists and psychologists have proven in spades that words hurt most of all. But first, let's establish that abuse of any kind is horrible, heinous, and deserving of attention and care. The impact of physical trauma ought never be minimized in order to shine a light on psychological trauma. Not only is all trauma valid, all perceptions of trauma are valid. Two people can experience the same event and have drastically different outcomes. One's experience isn't more or less valid than another. If it hurts, seek help. Physical trauma is visceral. There is hard, objective evidence of abuse. Most people don't question its validity. It's cut and dry. "If he hits you, you should leave." If you are beaten or shot in a senseless crime, no one will try to convince you it didn't really happen. Children who are physically abused are