I Have Something To Say

Recently I shared an op-ed on social media calling out a celebrity who had a history of untoward behavior and had sexually harassed the author of the op-ed when she was underage. Right away, a friend came to the defense of the accused, claiming she worked with him on a project. He was nice to her, so therefore he can't be a creep. The author's probably lying. After a long facepalm, I took a breath, and responded to my friend. " I encourage you to reconsider that the person you worked with could be as {the author} describes. I don't know him at all and I've never met {the accused}, but I do know a lot about the nature of abuse. When someone speaks up about sexual abuse, odds are over 90% they are telling the truth. Abusers don't usually sit around twirling their mustaches. They are often charming people much of the time. I know someone who was babysat by the Manson family. They were good babysitters and she wasn't harmed, but her experience of ...

Tomorrow, September 15th, abuse survivors and their advocates with be tweeting with the hashtag, #PurpleFriday to raise awareness around child sexual abuse. Supporters are encouraged to wear purple and initiate a conversation wherever they are about the importance of abuse education. It is estimated that one in three children experience sexual abuse. I was one of them. Like many others, I was silenced for a long time. I was made to believe that it was my fault, and I (correctly) assumed that my parents would have ignored me or punished me if I spoke up about it. I had been groomed and taught by may parents since I was an infant that my body and my boundaries were not worthy of respect. In addition to their abuse, I was molested by a family friend for several years. I had dissociated the experience throughout my adolescence, until it came flooding back to me in my twenties. When I finally told my mom about it, she shrugged and said she had always suspected it, but didn't want ...

Victims do it. Abusers do it. Regular people do it without even realizing it. All too often in abusive situations, all the attention goes to protecting the abuser and blaming the victim. For most of my life, I absorbed the responsibility for my abuse. I did it because at a young, formative age, I was taught to do it. As a child, I had no other option but to accept that my parents' bad behavior was my fault. Their failure to treat me with love and respect was my fault. When I was sexually abused, I internalized that I was the one who was wrong and bad for what happened. I dutifully kept secrets for my abusers because I was used to doing it, and because I correctly believed I would be the one punished if I said anything. When I did finally stand up to the abuse and escape my toxic family, I was scapegoated. When I went no contact, I still felt guilty about it. Even today, it is difficult for me to separate understanding my abusers from excusing them. I've been putting off ...

We've all experienced it. Women have experienced it moreso. Casual, lewd comments from the store clerk. The teacher who looks down students' shirts. The cliche construction worker cat-call. Assholes on the street who tell us to smile, and harass us when we don't play along. The creepy old man who demands hugs from young girls. The sweeping, misogynistic comments from some dick uncle who was "just kidding." These are everyday perverts. We all know them. They are the kind of men who are generally considered to be "good" people, even though their sexist behavior is far from it. They have been allowed to get away with it all their lives because the people around them are so conditioned to think that their bad behavior is normal. It gets dismissed. That's just who they are. They don't mean anything by it. It's not like they are deranged or anything. They're just... quirky. Fuck. That.  It's sexist as hell, and I'm not going t...