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To My Narcissistic Father

Dear Dad,

The young child that you molested and terrorized is no longer afraid of you. She resides within me now, safe from all your treachery. Today, I am a strong and capable woman and you are a sick old man. We both know that you knew exactly what you were doing when you abused me. You stole my innocence. You stole my childhood. Not once did you ever admit wrongdoing or remorse. You are evil and cruel, and you ought to be in jail.

You made me bow down to you, but it was never enough. You punished me because I could never give you enough validation. No one could. You'll think this is blasphemy, but children are not created to worship their parents.  It should have never been a requirement, yet I was forced to carry the burden of your own guilt and shame.

You did not love me. You didn't even care about me. To you, I wasn't even a person. I was not allowed an individuality. The only worth you saw in me was my usefulness in feeding your ego. When I failed to do so, I was scapegoated and blamed. You went out of your way to lie to others about me, smear me, and tear me down. What kind of person seeks revenge on his daughter for telling the truth?

Because of my co-dependent, co-narcissist mother, I was taught to allow you to abuse me indefinitely, and without consequence. I am disgusted at the millions of times you were given a chance to show some remorse, or to change your behavior. Not once did you take it. Of course you didn't. In your mind you are infallible, and the rest of us are the filthy, conniving jerks.

I do understand how the circumstances of your life directed you this way, but you are undeserving of my understanding. I feel sorry for you, but you are undeserving of my sympathy. I offer neither of these to you, because you are incapable of doing anything useful with them. Instead, I will use my understanding and insight to educate and protect myself and others from people like you. How pathetic, that all you had to offer me as a father is a cautionary tale. I have learned to direct my love and compassion toward the people who see my value. It's too bad you never did. 

Your Daughter


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